"How come you never go there? How come i'm so alone there?" - with those words Leslie Feist kicks of her latest single, recently released as a part of the album "Metals" - another beautifully crafted work of art by the Canadian musician who has brought us so much joy and heart-break before, and it is in the heart break that i want to focus here, because it is so easy for us to take it for granted.
You see, a heart break can be a beautiful thing, a weapon of mass construction, it can build songs, paintings, installations, books, journeys and even careers. It is not by chance that we are put to test like that, it is not by chance that we are compelled to feel our heart ache so much that it feels like we don't want to feel anything at all. Just like we need to fall, in order to learn to get back up, maybe it's getting our hearts broken that will teach us how to master the art of falling in love and dealing with every heart break, minor or major.
It is so easy for us to feel like the other one is at fault, or that we did it all wrong, and then to turn ourselves in martyrs; but why, i ask? Why should we put ourselves through so much pain and misery? It is ok to feel the pain, but living through it is the best part, let's look at it from another angle, maybe this pain that comes from a heart-break is like a rare delicacy, it's like that flower that blossoms only once in every few years, and we need to enjoy it as much as we can instead of trying to smash it down, for there is beauty even in the ugly; didn't someone once say that "the beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?
Well, what i would like to propose here is an exercise, it's a new way to look at our pain, whatever that is and wherever it comes from, and to turn it into something beautiful; like songwriters compose songs that sweep our hearts away, we can transform our pain in something that will make us happy. Through our pain we may discover a new passion, we may find a new friend, we may come to terms with older issues that were put to the side, because a heart break puts us in a place of fear and unease, it also puts us in anger and frustration, and those are all feelings that are great fuel in life, especially for our creativity.
So lets look at our heart break and gracefully learn from it, let's look at what we did that could have gone wrong and at the end did. We are only human, we are not in control of life, we can't decide how other people think, feel or react, we can't control other people's actions and emotions, so what we are left with is our own stuff to deal with. Let's look back at our previous heart breaks and think about how much of it was really just because we projected much further than we in fact were living. Let's look at our expectations and our romantic ideas, and then try to see if the other part involved shared those same ideas and expectations,or if maybe we had allowed ourselves to interpret further and make up reasons for our actions based on our own feelings, not in facts.
Even though it sounds awfully mechanical, it is also truly reasonable, because if you put things in perspective like that, it also helps to alleviate the pain, because it's like science, you can't argue with it.
Now, even after much rationalization, there will still be pain, because a broken heart is a broken heart, you can mend the pieces but parts of it will never be the same, and isn't that a great thing? Because your feelings can change, evolve and grow; you can learn to turn those amended pieces in a great friendship, or you may turn them into a work of art that will blow the world away in lovely inspiration, or it may also be the last drop you needed to really focus in that career you never pursued because your mind was too distracted with other things.
You see, a broken heart is a beautiful thing, because it changes you, because it makes you look at yourself and the world around you in a different way, it makes you reflect on yourself and your life, it makes you put things in check, and it will always be a great reminder of your capacity to love; and if you really give your broken heart all the love and attention it deserves what you may encounter at the end is even more glorious than what you started with.
Below is a video of Feist performing "How come you never go there" on David Letterman. Enjoy! ;)